


Do You Still Love Me?

by ausfil



Series: Do You Still Love Me? [1]
Category: Westlife
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Confessions, Drinking, Early Work, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exes, Feels, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love, M/M, Memories, No Smut, Reminiscing, Romance, Sad, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 19:03:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6532504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ausfil/pseuds/ausfil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shane picks up his drunk ex (Mark) from a pub and decides to stay with him for the night, just in case. The following morning, they attempt to act like they’re both fine with everything and loving life.</p><p>But they never really got over each other. And they know it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Still Love Me?

_Ring ring._

“Oh who the fuck…”

Shane squinted, reading the alarm clock that displayed a highly annoying ‘3:12AM’. He scrubbed his face and swore underneath his breath at the ringtone that pierced through the calming silence of the night. He groped around the bed for the phone and when he read the name that appeared, he gasped a bit. Shane cleared his throat and sat up right, staring at the name for a while and letting out a nervous breath before answering it.

“Mark?”

“Hello?”

“Um, hello?” Shane tilted his head at the voice that wasn’t Mark’s.

“Hi, sorry to bother you at a late hour but this is the Conon’s Pub and the owner of this phone kind of passed out. He won’t wake up. We need to close soon and you were the first person on his speed dial. So… we are terribly sorry but would you be able to come and pick him up, please?”

“Oh um…” Shane scratched his head. “Uh yeah, I guess. Okay. I’ll be there soon.”

“Great. Thank you.”

Shane hung up the phone and rushed to get dressed before jumping in the car and heading over there. During the entire car ride, his racing heart didn’t seem to calm down. He took constant looks at himself through the back mirror to fix his hair and wriggled in his seat, anxiously watching the red turn to green for him to get closer to Mark.

When he finally arrived, there was only one man inside, excluding the workers, with his head down on the bar table. Shane nervously stepped towards him and sat down on the stool beside his ex-boyfriend. He gently tapped Mark’s shoulders.

“Mark?” He tapped again but the man didn’t budge, only let out little moans. Those drunken little moans that Shane always found adorable and irresistible… He took a deep breath, trying to block those sounds out and lifted Mark’s arm to put around his shoulder.

“Here, let me help.” A bartender came running and supported Mark’s other arm, both of them dragging the drunk lad to Shane’s car.

“Thanks.”

Shane thought about taking Mark to his house but figured that that’d be too weird so he decided to drive to Mark’s; the flat that they used to share… the one that he moved out from.

He leaned over, trying to get a seatbelt over the sleeping boy and felt him slightly squirm. Through the corner of his eyes, he saw Mark turn his head while sleeping but Shane didn’t dare to look towards it. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to restrain himself. He quickly clicked the seatbelt on and drove, only looking ahead on the road… silently praying for Mark to stop making those drunken noises.

When he pulled over in the familiar driveway, he just felt like crying. This place… this house had too many memories. He scanned the outer appearance of the house for a while before shifting his gaze to Mark and shaking him.

“Mark, wake up. You’re home.”

Like a miracle, Mark’s eyelids parted a bit and he adjusted his position to try and figure out where he was. Then his eyes landed on Shane sitting beside him and Mark just stared for a while, trying to contemplate whether this was a dream or not.

“Uh… Sh-Shane?”

Shane displayed a nervous, lopsided smile. “Yeah.”

“Why um…” Mark tried to think clearly but the alcohol limited all of his abilities right now. All he could do was just stare at Shane; his beloved Shane. “Why are you here?”

Shane didn’t know what to say. He wanted to have a proper conversation when Mark was sober, not drunk off of his face like he was right now. “We’ll talk tomorrow. You should get to bed. You’re wasted. Come on.”

Shane stepped out the car and accompanied Mark up the stairs to his bed. Mark didn’t really say anything. He was probably still trying to make up his mind about how real this situation was and Shane didn’t say anything too. He just covered Mark with a blanket. The guy reeked of alcohol, probably drank his body weight judging by his inability to walk, and his eyes closed as soon as he was under the sheets. Shane bit down hard on his lips to not kiss Mark on the forehead like he used to and quietly walked away.

“Shay?” Mark called just when Shane was about to close the bedroom door.

“Yeah?”

“Come lie down… you belong here. This is your bed too.” Mark slurred in a croaky voice, almost incoherently. Shane just felt like crying his bloody eyes out and kissing Mark all over. His throat clumped and lips trembled as he bit down on them even harder, attempting to hold back his tears.

“Good night, Mark.” He managed to say and shut the door. He lingered in that position for a while. He wanted to go back in… into their room. Well, it wasn’t _their_ room anymore. It was _Mark’s_ room now. He dragged his feet down the stairs and familiarly turned on the stereo before collapsing onto the couch.

“…never break your heart. I’ll never make you cry. I’d rather die than live without you. I’ll give you all of me. Honey, that’s no lie...”

 _Fuck, does it really have to be a Backstreet Boys song right now?_ Shane sighed. This was Mark and his song. This was always their song. He reminisced about all the times they argued whether AJ’s or Brian’s voice was better while listening to this track.

And in the end, Mark would always let him win.

Then they would make love on this very couch to this very song.

Eventually, a tear escaped Shane’s eyes as the song continued to play.

He took a quick scan around the living room. Mark didn’t seem to have changed anything. All of the furniture was left the same and everything was exactly the way Shane remembered it to be; except for the pictures that used to be plastered just about everywhere of them two naïve and smiling… believing that everything in this world was fucking perfect… that their relationship would fucking last forever.

Shane quickly wiped the embarrassing tears from his face and stood up to turn the stereo off. It was only more heartbreaking to listen to. He collapsed back onto the couch to spend the night. Probably needed to be there in case Mark woke up in the middle of the night to puke.

With every breath he took in, Mark’s scent filled up his nose before it was pushed out by him exhaling. For a second, he wished that he could just stop breathing. This smell that he longed for was practically torture – a beautiful but painful torture.

It was going to be a long night.

***

Mark felt like he could die. Mouth dry. Head stinging. Stomach awfully unsettling. _How did I even get home last night?_ Before he could even think about an answer, the pit of his stomach started churning, triggering a bolt towards the toilet bowl.

After what felt like hours of heaving over the bowl, his stomach finally seemed to settle a bit and Mark wiped his mouth, stumbling outside to get a glass of water. He chugged it down and just as he was about to go back upstairs with another glass, he heard a faint snoring… it sounded familiar. He put the glass down on the kitchen counter and stepped out towards the living room with a palpitating heart.

When he got there and actually saw the person sleeping on his couch, he was _so_ close to screaming.

_Shane? What the fuck? Wait… that… that’s… that’s Shane… right…?_

His chest tightened. His mouth went dry again as he tilted his head to get a better view of Shane’s face; the face that held the power to take his breath away. He huffed out a ball of air before kneeling in front of the couch, carefully clearing the hair off of Shane’s face. _God, he’s still so beautiful…_ Mark ran his fingers through Shane’s smooth, brown locks, smiling to himself with a bittersweet sentiment circling his heart.

“Mmm…” Shane moaned and started to squirm.

Mark panicked. He immediately retracted his hand and before he could run away or even stand up, Shane’s eyes were well open.

Shane blinked to adjust to the sunlight. “Mark?”

Mark’s heartbeat was going faster than ever. He has been longing to see this gorgeous morning face for so long and now that it was right in front of his eyes, it was better than he remembered it to be.

“Yeah, it’s me.” He awkwardly laughed. “How did you uh… how did you get here?”

Shane sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Apparently you fell asleep yesterday at a pub and this bartender guy called, saying that he called the first number on speed dial, asking if I can come pick you up so… yeah. That happened last night. You don’t remember?”

“No, don’t remember anything. Shit.” Mark scrubbed his face in embarrassment. “Sorry about that. I… I should’ve gone home myself. Sorry.”

Shane just nodded and tension filled the silent room. Both of them chewed on their lips, trying to resist the temptation of jumping on each other, or even just trying to act fine in front of each other.

For a second, Shane thought about asking ‘why am I still first on your speed dial?’ but... it was too difficult. He would probably break down before even getting the question out there. Then break down even more at Mark’s answer, whatever that may be. And he knew that he would end up confessing Mark’s position on _his_ speed dial – which was also first. That wasn’t what either of them needed.

“So,” Mark was the first to break the silence, “how’s your new flat? I haven’t really seen you since...”

“I’m loving it. It’s great.” Shane answered. A little too quickly.

“Right. Okay... Yeah, that’s good.” _No, it’s not fucking good._ Mark held back a sigh.

“Yeah. So I noticed you took all our photos down?”

“Well, you wouldn’t really expect me to keep them up after you moved out.” Mark bluntly spoke.

“I guess you’re right, yeah.” Another silence filled the gap and Shane stood up, wanting to avoid it and feeling like he could get teary soon. “I should get going.”

“Thanks for last night.” Mark also stood up.

“No problem. Take care, Mark.”

Shane turned towards the front door but halted at Mark’s desperate “wait”. He turned back around.

“Can I ask you something?” Shane nodded. “Um, why… why did you come get me last night?”

“Because the bartender called me.” Shane uttered with a blank expression.

“Oh… alright. And nothing else?”

“Nope, don’t think so.” Shane was oddly proud of himself for being able to hide the anxiety and panic that was going on within him. “Is that all?”

“Yeah, I guess. Yeah.”

“Alright then. Seeya.” Shane turned back around.

“So it wasn’t because you still love me?”

Shane’s feet immediately stopped, and so did his breath. He lowered his head, trying to stop the tears that he could feel approaching. “No… why would you think that?” Even to him, his voice sounded so uncertain and fragile. He hated that.

“Turn around. Look at me.”

Shane shook his head and Mark marched forward, forcing him to turn by grabbing his wrists. Mark gently caressed Shane’s jaw and lifted it up to meet his gaze.

“Shay, I… seeing you this morning, it was really… I don’t know. Special. I miss seeing your pretty face every morning when I wake up.”

“Mark… don’t do this.” Shane attempted to step back but Mark was quick in grabbing him again, pulling him even closer than before.

“Listen to me. I... I missed you. So much that you wouldn’t believe. I hate going to bed every night because I know that you won’t be there the next morning. It fucking sucks. I know you miss it too. Or else you wouldn’t have come yesterday. And you certainly wouldn’t have stayed overnight.”

“Mark, I-“

“No, just… let me finish. Please?” Mark interrupted and Shane nodded, knowing that he would regret it but he did anyway. “What I did to you, it’s… it was stupid and I was such an asshole. I shouldn’t have done it and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It was a one-time thing. My night with Kian, I swear it was just a drunken impulsive thing. It was a meaningless and… and stupid mistake. I don’t even see him anymore these days. So… please, just come back to me. I can’t do anything without you. I... I love you.”

Mark pressed his lips on Shane’s lightly. “Please...” He whispered before latching on again and he sensed Shane kissing back. A tear escaped his eyes at that but he felt Shane’s tears drop faster onto their lips, soon mixing with his own.

“Wait.” Shane pushed the younger lad back, hesitantly. “No. This isn’t right. I… I can’t do this, Marky. It’s not something that I can get over easily. I’m not that strong. I’m sorry.”

“Come on, baby. You know we’re great together.” Mark placed a hand on Shane’s cheek, gently wiping away the tears with his thumb. “I said I’m sorry. It’ll never happen again. I promise. I love you and only you. You know you want this to happen as much as I do. Please.”

Shane closed his eyes and reflexively nuzzled his cheek into Mark’s soft palms. It felt so damn good. He missed this so much. Mark took this as a good sign and nervously smiled before leaning forward again, dampening Shane’s tasty lips. But in a second, he felt Shane pull back again. His heart sank.

“At least give me some time, then. I need time to comprehend everything, get myself ready to forgive you… and do all of those things. I can’t do it just yet.”

Mark hesitantly nodded. “I understand. Take as much time as you need and I’ll be here. Right here. In _our_ flat.”

Shane raised his eyes at that, looking deeply into Mark’s eager and genuine ones. He felt himself smile a bit to the word ‘our’.

“Our flat…” He whispered.

“Our flat.” Mark echoed. “This has always been ours, Shane. I’ve just been keeping it and taking care of it for a while. Think of it like that.”

Shane nodded, averting his eyes as he felt like he was going to cry again. He let himself go of Mark’s grip and stuffed both his hands down his pocket. “Just… a little more time. Okay?”

“Definitely. Anything you need.” Mark smiled, feeling a bit at ease with Shane’s slightly uplifted tone.

“Okay. Thanks, Mark. I’ll… I’ll see you later.”

The two shared a light hug and Shane made his way through the door, not having the courage to look back for one more time. When he shut the door behind him, a smile passed through his twitchy lips.

“Just a little more time.” He whispered under his breath.


End file.
